derive of environs

The first time I went train riding I went with a brand-new pair of shoes. The ones that I had been traveling with were wore out and holy. The new pair were a standard issue military boot I got on the cheap and that I thought would hold up. The blisters from walking and running in them were all I remember from the trip. I didn’t want to get out of the boxcar, and it made landing difficult.

I remember when I got my first “real job” at a library in a major metropolitan city. Before that I had been working restaurant, screen-printing, and odd jobs. These required the crappiest shoes possible, while still maintaining comfort and support. When I got on that elevator on my way to the 11th floor Human Resources office to fill out my hiring paperwork, everyone on the ride looked down at my shoes. They were cheap and stuck out like a sore thumb. I was unaware of these nine-to-five shoe expectations.

I keep things for a long time. I can hold onto a pair of shoes for around a decade. In tandem, I have wavering dietary choices that have landed with me being vegan. In this moment of liberation, I feel a heaviness about my footwear. My shoes that I have had for almost five years are leather. These shoes could survive for another three if I approach the marathon appropriately. Many of the local vegan restaurants discourage people from wearing animal products into their cafes for obvious reasons. This aside, the energetic awareness of wearing murder and torture as a pair of wings on the foot is overwhelming and discouraging. Do I throw away the violent shoes and replace them, or honor that there was sacrifice and decision prior to me and my proverbial community’s lifestyle choice, knowing that there is seething judgement with every footfall.